Konoha Leafet
by Me-la Kenzu Chan
Summary: The cast of Naruto is given a forced B-class mission...To make morning show just for the heck of it. Chaos insues as the genins try their best to make a serious show.
1. Beginnings

Hi! This is going to be one of my few attempts at all out humor! Hope you like it! The Konoha ninjas are still genins in here, and thus, they are young. The basis of this is that the teacher's, waiting some cheap humor; made a B-class mission in which all the little teams had to make a kind of morning show.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

* * *

The Hokage's office. A symbol of order. The representation of peace. The proof of authority. The chair is not facing us; instead, it's facing the wall. Just as anyone else, I assume you are bored with this scene, just as you are about to turn away, the chair spins around, and we are faced with Naruto…in a very…loud…orange suit.

"Hello! And welcome to Konoha's…Konoha's…"

"We don't have a name yet." Sakura whispered loudly from behind the camera operated by Ino.

"What?"

"We don't have a name yet!"

"What!"

Suddenly, she revealed herself, dressed in a tiny too-tight hot pink skirt-suit, "I SAID, WE DON'T HAVE A NAME YET BAKA!"

"Oh, okay." He smiled toothily, "Nice suit Sakura-chan."

"Oh really?" She smiled, "You think Sasuke will like it?"

"Get off the set!" Ino whispered.

"Eep!" Sakura scurried off as quickly as she came.

"…" Naruto blinked and faced the camera once again, "Welcome to Konoha's we-don't-have-a-name-yet-morning-show. On this show, we have several segments to keep you entertained as we make asses of ourselves! I hope you enjoy it. First, let's go to the latest news with our adorable anchor, Sakura."

Long Silence—

"She isn't ready you idiot! She just ran off the set!" Ino whispered again.

"Oh…um…then, now to cooking with Hinata!"

Now our vision is changed to the large Hyuuga kitchen where Hinata stand in the middle, right behind a counter with several ingredients. Off to the side, Kiba pouts, and Akamaru mimics the expression.

Hinata immediately blushed, 'Naruto went to my segment first!' "Um, hello. Welcome to Home Grown Cooking. Here, you'll learn to make delicious meals from things you can grow in the back yard. Me and my assistants Kiba and Akamaru."

Kiba continues pouting, "But what about meats?"

"You can't grow meat Kiba."

"You can raise it"

"But then we'd have to slaughter them on set!"

"And?"

Hinata simple envisioned this sight…and fainted.

"…"

Akamaru barks.

"Yeah, back to you Naruto."

Once again, we get sight of Naruto in that god awful suit. "…" He looks down at some paper, "Now to Temari and Tenten…Home decorating."

In the middle of a park, the blonde and black haired girl stared blankly into the distance.

"We ain't got nothing." Temari frowned.

"Huh," Naruto murmured.

"Well," Tenten began, "If we don't have any houses volunteering to be used, we have no show."

"Oh…"

"Back to you Naruto." Both girls echoed.

"Umm…This really sucks. Now to our help hotlines."

The view is changed to a completely white room with a large half circle table. On the edge farthest to the left, Neji and Sasuke sit with a phone between them; in the center, Gaara and Rock Lee, and at the right edge, Kiba and Shino.

…………………………….

"Hi!" Rock Lee jumped from his desk energetically, "Me and Gaara run the friendship and Love hotline!" He dramatically pointed towards Kiba and Shino, "They have pets!" and finally, his lethal finger aimed towards Sasuke and Neji, "And they have family help and-"

"Nobody's calling." Sasuke dully announced.

"I'll fix that." Gaara murmured and aimed his infamous death glare at the phone.

"BRING BRING!" The phone immediately answered; Rock Lee scooped up the receiver.

"Hello!"

"Umm, hi…I…uh…STOP GLARING FO CHIRST'S SAKE!" The person at the other end hung up.

"………"

"Back to you Naruto."

"Well damn, we don't have much of a show without people giving us stuff." Naruto cursed, "Well, we got two more things. Sakura's unable to find any subjects today on the count of her skirt isn't short enough, Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji have no one to test their dieting plans on. So all that's left is…beauty tips with Haku."

Haku is seated on his bed, kicking his feet back and forth casually, "I don't have anything either, ya know…" He pouted, "But I guess I can give you a random tip. If you towel dry your hair gently, it'll come out shinier."

After Haku shrugged off that tip, Zabuza walks into the room, "What the hell!"

"Uh…I'm…"

"Haku…" He growled in a low voice and apporched him.

"Eeh! Turn off the camera first! Everyone doesn't wanna see- Ah!"

The screen goes blank, minus a few awkward noises.

Naruto face…is pale, "…Show's over today…umm…send us stuff in reviews and we'll respond…bye."

* * *

DO WHAT NARUTO SAID! THE HOTLINES AND TIPS ARE NOTHING WITHOUT STUUFF! PLEASE SEND! Thank you 


	2. Cleaning Out The Closet

Thank You Sailor Tiamat and Umino Ayame for the comments. Fanfics like this can't survive without your comments! --bows-- Tiger Pixie; I can't use your quite yet, except for the…well, you know…umm, I'll get to it if I can find the paper …I --after fifteen minutes of searching-- it's probably gonna in the next chapter. I kinda lost it. --sheepish smile--

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

* * *

"Shimatta!" Naruto cursed as he stalked into the studio, "No sent us mail! No is calling the hotline! Have the heck are we supposed to run this show?"

"Calm down Naru-kun." Haku calmly cooed from his corner, "I'm sure the first show was just missed because of its inconvenient time. Few people really get up that early unless they're going straight to a mission."

"Feh." He pouted, "Fine."

Sasuke blinked, "Well, if we aren't able to run the hotline, what the heck are we supposed to do. We're supposed to take up the bulk of the show."

"Just randomly create." Temari sighed, "The fan girls' will love it."

"Hey kids." Kakashi poofed in front of them, "Yes, the first airing was lame. Make it interesting this time." And he randomly poofed away again.

"'Make it f-cking interesting this time'" Naruto mimicked, "B-stard."

"1000 years of pain!", Kakashi performed behind the blonde.

"KYAAAAAAAAA!" Naruto went flying through the air.

"…" Haku stared at him, 'So Kakashi-sensei is a child molester too.'

"Time to start the show!" Ino announced.

--25 minutes later--

Naruto stands at the hokage's desk, "Hello, and welcome to this show that we're doing that doesn't have a name." He smiled cheekily.

"Naruto, sit down!" Ino whined, "The camera doesn't have that much range."

"I can't sit down," Teary eyed, Naruto pointed to his butt, "1,000 years of pain, remember?"

"………"

"Any way, now to our adorable anchor, Sakura."

* * *

Sakura flashes a dazzling smile at the camera, "This just in! We have mail! The fans have responded! They'll be sent to the recipients shortly! But more importantly!" Her face grew grim, "In such a village, we rarely have time for socials. Unfortunately, because of this, unhealthy habits develop. Today, we'll look into one of the most mysterious inhabitants of Konoha. Kakashi-sensei!" She stuck a kawaii pose, similar to something sailor moon would come up with, "It'll take me awhile to sneak into his residence. Until then, back to you Naruto!"

* * *

Naruto blinks, "Ok, I hardly understood a word she said, but I guess she's spying on Kakashi." Sorts mail, "According to a fan of ours, Miss Sailor Tiamat, she'd like to see Kiba have an outdoor show. And always in favor of the fans; we'll go to Instinct with Kiba!"

* * *

Kiba is standing at the edge of a forest grinning like a maniac. "Thanks Naruto! Today; I'm going to show you the perfect way to walk and train a dog, namely, my companion Akamaru!"

The dog barks in response.

"Yeah! Come on!" He jumps into a tree, "Show everyone how you make your mark."

The little white dog jumps into the air and begins spinning, getting puppy piss on everything in the area, including the camera girl.

Tenten, who was manning (womaning?) the camera simply pulls out a handful of shurikens and charges.

"O.O Back to you Naruto!" Kiba and Akamaru take off pursued by enraged weapon master.

* * *

"Well that was dumb…and guess he'll soon be joining Hinata in the kitchen again…saying that, now to Homegrown Cooking with Hinata."

Hinata smiles graciously and bows to the camera, "Thank you Naruto-kun for the introduction. Today, I'm going to teach you how to make fried green tomatoes." She bends down behind the counter to retrieve her ingredients…and stays down for quite a while.

"HUH!" She shot up holding a note reading it steadily, "'Hanabi was here'! HANABI!" She stormed out, and then poked her head back in, "Back to you Naruto-kun," Storms off again, "HANABI!"

* * *

"Wow, I never saw her scream before. According to the mail, we should go to Haku-chan next."

* * *

Haku blushes softly, 'Haku-chan? Wonder what he meant by that…' "Hello! I'm glad to say I have a phone call from someone. This will probably be one of my last times with this group…my master disagrees with me being around everyone here. But back to the caller…"

Clicking the speaker phone, he states, "Hello, Haku speaking. Sorry you've been put on hold so long. What do you have to say or ask today?"

The voice replies, "Orange is definitely the best color for blonde men, dontcha think?"

'This sounds like someone I know…' "Um…I'm not sure I can answer that…Zabuza-san said-"

"But he doesn't hafta know! C'mon, I need your help!"

"Um…then, no, not really."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO-"

Haku sweatdrops and quickly changes the subject, glancing at his watch, "Well whadaya know, We're out of time! I'm sorry; back to you Naruto!"

Our vision cuts back to the main screen, where Naruto is shouting obscenities into the telephone, "OF COURSE IT'S THE BEST COLOR--! …Hello again. Now over to Sakura in her tiny pink skirt!"

* * *

"Not so loud Naruto! I'm sneaking in." She grinned mischievously, opening a closet, only to be bombarded by a mountain of small books.

"Kyaa!" She gasped, surfacing after the assault of literature, "What's this…that dirty book he always reads…" She began flipping through, "Oh it's not that bad. Nothing worse than what I imagine with Sasuke's image."

"What are you doing?"

"Yeeek! Ka-Kakashi-sensei! Wh-what-what are you…"

--Screen cuts off-- EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES…

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto screamed panicky, "Cut to the hotlines, I'm finding out what happened to her!"

* * *

The six (well five now, considering Kiba's still on the run) Sit stoically in the room, waiting on the call.

Finally, after what seems like hours, the phone for Neji and Sasuke rings; and Neji quickly picks up, "Hello, Neji and Sasuke. Your fate is sealed. Don't ask."

"Umm, What kind of hair care products do you use?" The random voice asks.

"…You DO know this is a family help hotline, right?"

"Yeah, but what kind? your hair is so shiny and pretty! -swoon-"

"…Family recipe." He smirked and hung up, just as the phone rang again. Sasuke snickered and presses the speaker phone, "Okay, next caller. Hello. Sasuke and Hyuga family help, though I don't know why we, of all dysfunctional family men--"

"SASUKE-KUN, MARRY ME! AND THEN WE CAN HAVE A FAMILY!"

"No." Hangs up. 'That kinda sounded like Ino…' "I think that's enough."

The other boys stare at Neji and Sasuke jealously for getting any calls at all.

"Back to you dobe."

--Naruto isn't there-- --Haku wonders onset--

"Ano…We're out of time and Naruto-kun hasn't come back yet so…"

--Zabuza walks up; large sword in hand--

"Show's over." Slashes camera.

* * *

Clever Ayame, Clever indeed. I enjoyed typing that. Hope you don't mind the slight editing, but it couldn't be Sakura cuz she got traumatized. Ditto to you Tiamat! I hope you liked what I did with your idea… 


End file.
